It definitely does not feel real looking at it but I think that is God's grace to me. Feeling the hurt a little at a time. We chose to have a duck in the middle because Savannah loved ducks. She pretty much called everything a duck.
Thursday, February 23, 2012
Savannah's Grave
Yesterday I received a call letting me know that Savannah's grave marker is now in place and good to go. Since it is in SC, I might not be able to get down there to see it in person for a while but we have many family members down there who will/have been able to go see it. They sent a picture of it. I was very happy with how it turned out.
Monday, February 20, 2012
A Weekend With the Girls!!!
This past weekend my college girls came up to hang out for the weekend. We try to get together atleast 2 times a year. It was so much fun. We cooked, ate, talked, and enjoyed each other!!! We packed 8 girls plus 2 babies in my house. It was a full house but I loved it! My house kinda feels empty today now that everyone has gone home. Here are a few pictures:
Part of the weekend was a baby shower for Penelope Sinclair and Selah Sharpe. Jamie is due March 28th and I am due June 1st. The shower was such a blessing. Getting baby stuff made me really miss Savannah. I bet she would have loved to help me pull the tissue paper out of the presents or ripped open the wrapping paper. Penelope has lots of new things to make her smell good, to dry her off with, to play with, eat, etc. She is spoiled already! Here are a few pictures:
It was so great to see all my girls. I wish we all lived closer but I am so thankful for the times we are able to get together. We have all known each other for almost 10 years now. That is so crazy. It is so great to see how the Lord has directed our steps since we all met 10 years ago.
I did face the big, scary, mean crib monster. It was crazy being in Savannah's room. I have not been in there for a long time. (I think since August.) It made me really sad to be in there but I wasn't scared (which really surprised me). It wasn't bad memories from July 24th that was in my head but good memories of times we had together. Her little shoes that were sitting in front her her rocking chair brought tears to my eyes but that is ok. I am ok with that. It was good to be in there and get used to seeing that stuff again because I want to use it with Penelope. It was good to see my friends in her room talking and laughing. My roommate from college had her daughter sleep in Savannah's crib which was helpful for me. I found Savannah's favorite toy in her room. It is a gray rabbit. She used to carry it around and occasionally she would kiss it. It actually still has sweet potato stains on it from where she would kiss it in between bites of sweet potatoes. I'm pretty sure she called it a duck. I'm not sure what I am going to do with it. I thought about using it next time we have family pictures as something to represent Savvy. Maybe have Penelope walk around holding it for the pictures. I'm not sure.
Thanks so much for your prayers over the last (almost) 7 months. Please continue to keep us in your prayers.
Part of the weekend was a baby shower for Penelope Sinclair and Selah Sharpe. Jamie is due March 28th and I am due June 1st. The shower was such a blessing. Getting baby stuff made me really miss Savannah. I bet she would have loved to help me pull the tissue paper out of the presents or ripped open the wrapping paper. Penelope has lots of new things to make her smell good, to dry her off with, to play with, eat, etc. She is spoiled already! Here are a few pictures:
I did face the big, scary, mean crib monster. It was crazy being in Savannah's room. I have not been in there for a long time. (I think since August.) It made me really sad to be in there but I wasn't scared (which really surprised me). It wasn't bad memories from July 24th that was in my head but good memories of times we had together. Her little shoes that were sitting in front her her rocking chair brought tears to my eyes but that is ok. I am ok with that. It was good to be in there and get used to seeing that stuff again because I want to use it with Penelope. It was good to see my friends in her room talking and laughing. My roommate from college had her daughter sleep in Savannah's crib which was helpful for me. I found Savannah's favorite toy in her room. It is a gray rabbit. She used to carry it around and occasionally she would kiss it. It actually still has sweet potato stains on it from where she would kiss it in between bites of sweet potatoes. I'm pretty sure she called it a duck. I'm not sure what I am going to do with it. I thought about using it next time we have family pictures as something to represent Savvy. Maybe have Penelope walk around holding it for the pictures. I'm not sure.
Thanks so much for your prayers over the last (almost) 7 months. Please continue to keep us in your prayers.
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
Respite Retreat
Eric and I just returned from a weekend in Henrietta, Tennessee. We went to a retreat called "The Respite Retreat" by David and Nancy Guthrie. What a blessing it was!!! It is a retreat for couples who have lost a child. There is a big cabin in Henrietta called the Hiding Place. It sleeps 12 couples. I love that the retreat was on the small side. I think I would have been overwhelmed if it was a large conference. Here are a couple of pictures of the cabin.
On Friday night and Saturday morning, they gave everyone a chance to tell their story. That was really hard but good. I felt like Eric and I were able to talk freely and openly about what happened without worrying about making people feel uncomfortable or awkward. We didn't have to explain ourselves (why we felt certain things) b/c everybody in the room knew what we meant b/c they had experienced a similar thing.
Saturday afternoon, we talked about issues that grieving parents have to deal with. One of mine and Eric's concerns was how do we raise another child without being fearful all the time. It was encouraging to hear from other families who have other children. Some things that people encouraged us with are that fear is not from God! That we need to hold our thoughts captive and God is our protector. Also, to fight the fear with scripture. Don't just listen to our anxious thoughts, but fight it with scripture...and that fears are normal, but don't give in to them. I am definitely going to be praying that God will show me scriptures that are good for fighting fear. (I would love for your prayers for that too!)
We also asked about what to do with Savannah's stuff. I have pretty much decided I will use clothes, toys, etc again. My biggest thing was what to do with the crib. The crib is kinda like a big, fat, ugly monster (in my mind.) I know that sounds crazy, but that is what it is like to me. I was encouraged to beat down that fear. To remember all the mornings where I was able to get Savannah up. To take it a few days at a time. So, with fist pounding into hand, it is you and me crib (monster), and I will not be afraid of you!!! (Ok, that was weird, but you know what I mean). Please pray that God will help us in that situation.
One thing that really stands out that I learned this weekend comes from Rev. 1:28. "I am the Living One; I was dead, and behold I am alive for ever and ever! And I hold the keys of death and Hades." This passage takes care of all the "What If's". I have been holding on to the sovereignty of God through this situation. It was a good reminder because the What If's do show up in my mind. What if I did this, what if we would have done that, etc. Jesus holds the keys to death. He is the only one who can open that door. He is there on the other side. God had Savannah's days numbered and he was the one who opened the doors of death and welcomed her into Heaven.
Saturday night was a fun night. We played the "newlywed game" and just had time to hang out and have fun. It was great talking to everybody!
Sunday morning we had our own church. We sang hymns and the Guthrie's walked us through scripture that has been encouraging to them since they lost their little boy and little girl.
I am so glad we were able to go and I look forward to keeping up with the friends we made there. If you know anyone who has lost a child, I highly recommend this retreat!
Here are a few more picture from our weekend!
The Guthrie's took pictures of our children and put them around the living room. While we were sharing our stories, they passed around the picture of the child. Here is the picture of Savannah.
This is us with David and Nancy. They lost two children around 10 years ago. They were the ones that led the retreat. They definitely are gifted and we were blessed by the retreat!
On Friday night and Saturday morning, they gave everyone a chance to tell their story. That was really hard but good. I felt like Eric and I were able to talk freely and openly about what happened without worrying about making people feel uncomfortable or awkward. We didn't have to explain ourselves (why we felt certain things) b/c everybody in the room knew what we meant b/c they had experienced a similar thing.
Saturday afternoon, we talked about issues that grieving parents have to deal with. One of mine and Eric's concerns was how do we raise another child without being fearful all the time. It was encouraging to hear from other families who have other children. Some things that people encouraged us with are that fear is not from God! That we need to hold our thoughts captive and God is our protector. Also, to fight the fear with scripture. Don't just listen to our anxious thoughts, but fight it with scripture...and that fears are normal, but don't give in to them. I am definitely going to be praying that God will show me scriptures that are good for fighting fear. (I would love for your prayers for that too!)
We also asked about what to do with Savannah's stuff. I have pretty much decided I will use clothes, toys, etc again. My biggest thing was what to do with the crib. The crib is kinda like a big, fat, ugly monster (in my mind.) I know that sounds crazy, but that is what it is like to me. I was encouraged to beat down that fear. To remember all the mornings where I was able to get Savannah up. To take it a few days at a time. So, with fist pounding into hand, it is you and me crib (monster), and I will not be afraid of you!!! (Ok, that was weird, but you know what I mean). Please pray that God will help us in that situation.
One thing that really stands out that I learned this weekend comes from Rev. 1:28. "I am the Living One; I was dead, and behold I am alive for ever and ever! And I hold the keys of death and Hades." This passage takes care of all the "What If's". I have been holding on to the sovereignty of God through this situation. It was a good reminder because the What If's do show up in my mind. What if I did this, what if we would have done that, etc. Jesus holds the keys to death. He is the only one who can open that door. He is there on the other side. God had Savannah's days numbered and he was the one who opened the doors of death and welcomed her into Heaven.
Saturday night was a fun night. We played the "newlywed game" and just had time to hang out and have fun. It was great talking to everybody!
Sunday morning we had our own church. We sang hymns and the Guthrie's walked us through scripture that has been encouraging to them since they lost their little boy and little girl.
I am so glad we were able to go and I look forward to keeping up with the friends we made there. If you know anyone who has lost a child, I highly recommend this retreat!
Here are a few more picture from our weekend!
Just some table decorations. They were absolutely beautiful.
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
Baby Penelope at 23 Weeks
It's hard to believe I am already 23 weeks preggo. I had an appt. on Monday and everything looks great! She is growing like she should and her heart beat sounds great! She is definitely getting stronger. I woke up this morning to a kick in my left ribs but what a great way to wake up!!! I usually smile every time she starts moving! I can't wait to meet her! I love her so much already!
Right now she weighs a little over a pound (about the size of a large mango! haha!) She can feel me moving around and she can hear sounds outside of the womb. For example: the vacuum cleaner and Aspen. Since she is able to hear Aspen bark while inside the womb, it shouldn't scare her after she is born.
The first picture is Penelope at 23 weeks! She is growing!!!
This is a picture of Aspen and me. It is hard to get her to sit still long enough for a picture, so I have to hold on tight!
This is a random picture of Savannah and me that I found while adding the first two pictures. I am not sure how old she is here.
Hope you all have a great day!!!
Ash
Right now she weighs a little over a pound (about the size of a large mango! haha!) She can feel me moving around and she can hear sounds outside of the womb. For example: the vacuum cleaner and Aspen. Since she is able to hear Aspen bark while inside the womb, it shouldn't scare her after she is born.
The first picture is Penelope at 23 weeks! She is growing!!!
Hope you all have a great day!!!
Ash
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