James 4:13-16
“Come now, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go to such and such a city, spend a year there, buy and sell, and make a profit”; whereas you do not know what will happen tomorrow. For what is your life? It is even a vapor that appears for a little time and then vanishes away. Instead you ought to say, “If the Lord wills, we shall live and do this or that.” But now you boast in your arrogance. All such boasting is evil.”
I learned a lot about this passage last night at the Bible study that I attend on Monday nights. It was such a comfort to me and was exactly what I needed to hear. Last night, about thirty minutes before I was supposed to leave for Bible study, I was outside with my dog, Aspen. I knew my friend would be arriving in a little while, so I was getting Aspen outside for a few minutes. When I am walking her, it is always a good time to think. Sometimes my thoughts are all over the place, but last night I was thinking about Savannah and all Eric and I have been through over the last three months. From the day we lost her, I could physically feel the peace of God. I knew and trusted God that this was His will and timing even though it didn’t make sense to me. I knew no one (doctors, emergency crew) could save her because God had ordained that it was time for her to be with Jesus. I held on to that truth and never wavered. Even when the autopsy report came back, the doctors and medical examiner said there was nothing that could be done. (But even if they had not said that, I still would have known it was God’s will and timing, which is a God work!) Sometimes when I am thinking or talking to friends/family, I start to wonder, what if I would have done this or what if it would have happened during the day, maybe we could have seen symptoms or this or that. I was thinking those things last night as I was outside with Aspen. I was really sad and crying and considering not going to Bible study but I knew my friend was on her way, so I decided to go despite the way I felt. I am so glad that I did. This part of the scripture was a small part of what we talked about, but it spoke to me and encouraged me so much. “If the Lord wills, we shall live and do this or that.” (v. 15) It was good to be reminded of that…to know that God willed for Savannah to live for 15 months and 1 day. There was nothing that could be done to save her. It was God’s will and timing and I trust that even though this is an extremely hard time. I don’t even know or can't even fathom how someone could get through this without God. I am so thankful for the Lord’s presence in my life. I am so glad and comforted that God is sovereign over when we live and when we die. He is sovereign over our molecules. Praise the Lord! What a breath of fresh air! I hope all that rambling made sense and was a little encouraging to you!
So, what have we been up to? Lots of different things. We have been able to visit family. I’ve been watching my friend’s little girl, which I have enjoyed so much. We are planning on going to the fair one day this week. Just give me a funnel cake with some powdered sugar on top, and I am happy!!! We have been organizing the house and updating it (painting, etc.) Maybe one day we will have the guest bathroom downstairs finished. It is well on its way to being finished. I started teaching violin and cello lessons again a few weeks ago, which is something I really enjoy. We are trying to get back in the swing of things. Sometimes it is easy, and sometimes it is hard. We are just leaning on God and continually trusting in Him and His goodness. We miss Savannah so much. I feel like I miss her more and more and time goes on but I know that she is with Jesus now. As much as I want her back, it would be selfish of me to think that because why would I want to take her away from the joys of Heaven? Eric and I will join her one day in Heaven but as for now, we will remember the fun times we had with her and remember that we will see her again one day. I want to end by leaving you with a list of her favorite words:
Duck (her favorite!)
Ball
Bubbles (she would go get the bubbles and bring them to me and start blowing)
Dah
No (while shaking her head. I have to admit, it did make me laugh.)
Mama
Dada
Pees (Please…usually only said when there were yogurt melts around)
