A New Post

It has been almost a month since we lost our sweet girl.  I miss her (it feels like) more and more everyday.  It hurts a lot but I can smile in the fact that she is in Heaven and has more joy than anyone here on Earth can imagine.  We have had some closure this week because we found out what happened.  It is something that I don't want to share on here but I can tell you that it was something that we could not control and something we could not have stopped.  It was something that was extremely rare (one doctor told us they had never seen that happen before) and it is not hereditary  (praise the Lord!)  Even though I know that God ordains the number of our days, it was very helpful and gave me peace that we didn't do anything wrong and there was not anything that we could do to stop it.  That is all I am going to say about that.

One of my friends came up to me on Sunday and (I was very thankful for her honesty) said that she didn't know what to say to me.  I totally understood that and I was so glad she said that.  I told her and I want to tell you that when talking to me you don't have to have something profound to say.  Sometimes I may feel like talking about it but sometimes I may feel like talking about normal stuff or be in the mood to hear a joke or watch a funny movie.  So, don't feel that you have to come up to me and say something super whatever but you can talk to me about normal stuff too.  (If that makes sense.) 

I also wanted to say thank you to everyone for being so loving and caring.  Even with it being a month since we lost our girl, the love and care and cards, meals, etc have not stopped.  We feel so loved and could not ask for better friends, family, church, etc. 

Things have been especially hard being back here in Raleigh trying to get into the "normal" swing of things.  It is really hard when I see other kids playing together, especially when I see other kids playing with Savannah's closest friends.  It is hard and I usually cry but that is ok.  It is part of the process.  Even Aspen (our puppy) knows that Savannah is not here anymore.  She loved Savvy G and she did whatever it took to protect Savannah.  My mom and mother-in-law said Aspen was in Savannah's room and sniff everything in the room, then looked in Savannah's crib and whimpered.  It makes me happy that Aspen remembers Savannah.  It makes me happy when other kids ask me where baby Savannah is.  It is hard, (and I usually cry) but it makes me happy that other kids remember her.

We do want to have more kids and soon through pregnancy and adoption.  With that comes a lot of fears but God will give us grace at the exact time that we need it.  Yes, it is easier to say than believe but I can look back over my life and the last month and see that lived out.

Please continue praying for us.  We are experiencing some of the hardest days right now but we are so thankful for your love and prayers.  This was a long post and I didn't go back to change grammatical errors (mostly b/c I am a musician and not an English language person.)  Anyways, we love you and look forward to talking to you soon!